Read Chapter One

Prologue

You take your lane. Deep breaths. The voices settle.
This is it.
There's nowhere to hide.
It's do or die.

***

I can't do this.
I stare at the screens around me. People sitting in silence. Zombies. No sign of life.
Is this what you're going to do for the rest of your life?
I turn around and look at Him. Our eyes meet.
Fuck that. No fucking way.
I shuffle to the center of the corridor. Stretch. Look to the end of the floor, where Chicago's skyline is shining brightly behind a huge glass window. Mind flashes back to the last time I did this.

Don't fuck this up, Adam. DO NOT FUCK THIS UP
"ON YOUR MARKS!"
The moment of truth has arrived. The national 100m sprint finals. I am two races away from reaching the Olympics. This is my final chance at redemption.
I look at the sky and pray silently: please, God, help me, and I will fix myself, fix everything. I promise.

"SET!"
Heart in throat. Sweaty body. Mind on edge. Two decades of war all come down to the next ten seconds.
Do not fuck this up.
"BANG!"

***

I take off at the speed of light. It does not matter that I am in a suit. It does not matter that I am in a glass office. It does not matter that I have not sprinted in years.
I aim straight for the glass window. The suits blur. The glass draws closer. I reach my maximum speed. A girl shrieks and jumps out of the way.
I arrive at the finish line, and instead of stopping, I dive headfirst, straight through the glass.
The most beautiful moment of liberation. Glass explodes, I hurl forward, fly through the shards. I am level with Chicago's skyscrapers, with the birds, with the clouds, where I belong, finally flying like I've wanted to since I was five. I am finally out of the darkness and into the light.
I am free.

Chapter One

You take off as fast as you can.
It's all or nothing, baby.

Fight Night.

***

The colors are fading. I'm bleeding. There's a huge gash in my side.
Sundown. Holding hands. Somewhere by the sea. Late August.
I run. I run as fast as my legs can carry me.
In the car together. Windows down. Spring morning. A song plays in the background.
My fucking legs are killing me. I haven't done this in so long.
Winter. Dawn. She's sleeping; I'm watching her. Snow outside.
Game over, Adam.
It's Him. He's standing on the other side of the street; he's already caught up with me. We stare at each other like a lion and a gazelle. We both know what's about to happen.
The first thing they teach you about sprinting is to only focus on running. Everything else can wait until the race is over.
I take my broken body and tear off into the heart of Chicago. I've already broken the golden rule, but it hardly matters now. This will likely be the last race I ever run.

"Adam, I still can't believe you didn't tell me about this!"
"I figured this would be a slight upgrade on eating dinner out."
She shakes her head in awe. I grin.
We're in a small Cesena airplane. Late August afternoon. I've been preparing for this day for ages.
I look out below and all I see is green, dark green forests, bright green fields, pale green yards. We pass a small lake and then a bigger one. I turn back to her and feel my heart pick up the pace the way it used to before races.
"Maya, do you trust me?"
"Yeah."
"Could you say it with any less conviction?"
"What is it, Adam?"
"Nothing, I swear. Do you trust me?"
"Yes, Adam. Now what is it?"

Her voice is sharp. Not going to plan.
"Easy," I tell her. "Just need you to close your eyes for a few moments."
She looks at me, looks right inside of me. Brown and green. I feel my heart melt.
"I'm not going to start doing flips."
I try to smile but my heart is going to tear out of my chest. Just like the old days.
"Are you going to crash the plane?" she asks.
"No, but come to think of it."
She punches my shoulder. I laugh. The knot eases a bit.
"Alright," she finally says, "but if you do anything stupid, I swear to God this will be the last time we do this."
"Deal."
She finally closes her eyes. My heart shakes like a shivering dog. I take the ring out of my pocket and steady my hands. My heart is going to explode. I finally find her finger.
I exhale and sink my eyes back into the blue skies. It's over. Now all she has to do is open her eyes.

"ADAM!"
No getting on one knee. No drama. No question. There was never a question to begin with.
She starts screaming. I start laughing. And in that moment, my heart gives way and the nerves vanish. It's the millisecond after the race begins. Running at full speed with the wind in your face. The first taste of freedom.
The army has an expression: everyone wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die. I've always loved that saying; it got me through years of hell. But in this moment, I look at my girl, who is still screaming, gaze down in the eyes of the deep August afternoon, and think: I don't want to die.
I'm already in Heaven.

***

I run out of the supermarket, head down, no eye contact.
Fuel at last.
It's been so, so long.
The blood in my side eases. I slow down. Pant. My lungs are gone.
I've got new shoes. Loaded up on fuel. Every cent I own is bundled in my pockets. Now I just need to escape Chicago.
Going somewhere?
It's Him. He's at the end of the sidewalk. The sun is almost down now.
"Fuck off."
It's over, Adam. Your knees are gone.
"I told you to FUCK OFF."
I take a step back. I can feel the pain in my side, but I don't give in to it. You get used to it after a while. Always being in pain.
You can't outrun your fate, Adam!
The pain never goes away. The trick is finding a reason to endure it.
"Bite me."
I take off running again.

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